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Sunday: Denham v London Theatres

September 23rd 2006

Russell Bowry 's Phantom Report: DENHAM EXIT STAGE LEFT

LONDON THEATRES THRIVE AS DENHAM EXIT STAGE LEFT - By our sporeign correspondent Russell McBowry currently camping in Loch Ness

Nobody wanted to compile this report and no wonder as Denham subsided to a tame defeat in their last Sunday fixture of 2006. So it is up to me to submit the following details from afar.

Lack of availability was a problem with at least three normal regulars on holiday, apparently forcing the inclusion of a hamster. Poor punctuality was in evidence as usual with Harish again a culprit. The story is that he arrived on time, forgot that he was supposed to pick up his brother(a non-player) and promptly turned back, taking the other two occupants (both players) with him!

With only five cricketers and a hamster available at the start, Denham were forced to bat on a slow wicket, which combined with a wet outfield made scoring difficult. Several Denham batsmen got started but couldn't break free and were usually out trying to force the pace. Faisal Mahmood "topscored" with 56, Joe O'Hara was run out for 29, Hemen Mehta was 19 not out and Dave Maynard reached 17 as Denham managed a moderate 156 for 8 in their 40 overs.

The Theatre's reply was rapid, mainly from Chisnall, who took centre stage as he carved the Denham bowling around the ground.

Loyal Denham supporters were quick to recognise his good eye and remarked that his calling was masterful. Seldom have they witnessed calls delivered with such emotion. " Not now Humphrey" would have graced a Brian Rix farce in the West End and even a simple " Yes" was spoken with so much obvious pleasure and enthusiasm, it brought the crowd close to orgasm.

Denham fielders were so transfixed that they failed to accept the chances he offered on a couple of occasions and Theatres passed the Denham total for only two wickets down (both taken by Joe) with Chisnall 116 notout.

DISCLAIMER - If any of this report is inaccurate I apologise whole-heartedly as I wasn't there.