Web Hosting by Netfirms | Free Domain Names by Netfirms

Denham Sunday XI v Cranbourne

July 25th 2009

The following questionnaire, completed by an anonymous Cranbourne player, tells the story of Saturday’s game rather well (Cranbourne won by 83 runs):

Denham Cricket Club Satisfaction Questionnaire 2009

We here at Denham Cricket Club are committed to making your game as enjoyable as possible. However, from time to time we admit to getting things quite wrong, and we don’t know why. By completing this questionnaire and making suggestions of how we can improve, you will be making the cricketing world a much better place.

On the whole, did you enjoy the game today?

Well, yes I suppose I did. One shouldn’t grumble when one has one the game by 83 runs. The weather could have been better, but then I guess this isn’t the fault of Denham Cricket Club!

Did Denham provide a suitable standard of cricket for a competitive game?

Not really. They only had one player, a tall Indian chap appropriately called “Indy”, who opened the bowling and the batting. He took 3 for 20 and then smashed 87 off 45 balls. He was a good player but the others weren’t really. In fact, in all honesty, I’ve never seen such bad bowling before, especially from their captain, I think his name is Bowry. Why, when you have a pitch that turns, would you keep on bowling full-tosses, especially when they keep getting hit for six? Oh, I almost forgot, there was one other batsmen who made runs, I think his name was JFK, like the assassinated president, but I think he was just batting for his average and didn’t want to win the game. In fact, he wasn’t that good, he just got to face all our bad bowlers, but he seemed quite pleased with himself, so please don’t show him this.

Did the pitch provide an equal balance between bat and ball?

No way. We scored 325 runs in 40 overs for Christ’s sake! I know their bowling was absolute filth at times, but even Denham scored 242 runs so it was definitely a batsmen’s wicket. One of our chaps, Goodwin is his name, told me that that was the easiest century he’s scored in his life. And even our number 8 made 80, and he’s only played hockey before!

Was the tea of sufficient quality to enable cricket to be played at its highest level?

For me personally, no. When I took the field I felt tired and had no energy to contribute to the game. It wasn’t the worst tea in the world by any means. In fact the sandwiches were well put together and nicely varied. But fruit-salad for a cricket tea? I don’t think so. What was needed was a treat of some description. I can’t think of much at the moment, but maybe something like pink wafers would have given the players something to get excited about.

What of the facilities?

Denham has a lovely ground and clubhouse and it is much better than ours because we don’t have one! But seriously, everything was fine, except that the ground was perhaps a bit small given the number of balls lost during the game. Maybe the Chairman, who, I must add, was wearing a lovely Marks & Spencer tank-top that wouldn’t go amiss in my own wardrobe, could arrange for a net to be put up, or employ someone to retrieve balls when they go over the fences.

And finally, would you play here again?

In an ideal world probably not. But then in an ideal world I’d be playing cricket for Middlesex, not Cranbourne. Yes, go on then, I admit it, for some unknown reason I’d love to come back. Even though it would probably depress me considerably, there’s a strange charm hanging around this place, and hopefully next time I’ll get to play against the one they call Sir Stuart Payne!

Next week Binfield (H) for the Ones, Littlewick Green (A) for the Twos.

Back to Home