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Denham 1st XI v Holyport 1st XI

August 12th 2006

James Nicholas's Report

Denham suffered a disappointing defeat to bottom of the table Holyport on Saturday leaving them 5th in the table just behind Winchmore Hill.

After winning the toss Denham were soon 45/4 as the Holyport opening bowlers used the favourable conditions to their advantage. Useful middle order contributions from Maynard (28), Mahmood (22) and Shaikh (35) helped, but the home side were still only able to post 169.

Denham initially started well with the ball and had Holyport in trouble at 20-2. However the dangerous Homer was allowed the freedom to play his shots and made a quick 45. Messina also scored 60 n.o to take Holyport past the winning post with more than 20 overs remaining.

Holyport 2nd XI v Denham 2nd XI

August 12th 2006

Skipper Mark Dalton's Report

Now, three quarters through the season you'd have thought we'd be 'hitting our straps' but oh dear no. Not as such. We labour. We labour jolly hard (well we like to think we do). But with little to show for our efforts.

Saturday against league leaders Holyport was a classic case. We huffed and we puffed but we could not blow the house down.....or the tyre up. The wheels have not come off (yet) but this week we had a slow puncture. A slow, annoying, persistant puncture. The type of puncture where you have to go to the garage every other day or so to pump up the tyre. A slow puncture. A bit like this weeks game.

We started off fully pumped up. Won the toss, chose to bat all positive stuff. We got a half decent start. The runs came thick and fast. Simpson (72) batted solidly and held the innings together ably assisted by debutant Singh (45) and Payne (20).

But towards the end of the innings that slow puncture was beginning to have an effect: the road got a rough and rocky and we coasted to a halt. 220 for 8 from 52 overs. 40~50 runs below par. 28 runs, 6 wickets from the last 12 overs. Hmmmm.

Unfortunately, the Holyport pavillion, although very well appointed, did not possess a compressed air line (with which to inflate the deflating tyre). When driving a car with a deflated tyre the handling of the vehicle is invariable detrimentally affected. Our bowling performance was flat. Devoid of gusto, accuracy, vigour, vim etc. etc. Our tyre was flat.

The details are incidental but Holyport raced to victory, on fully inflated pneumatic rubbers. A strong performance (again) from skipper Osinski (95) made sure that we suffered no longer than necessary. Holyport 223 for 2 from 36 overs.

Flat. Deflated. Empty. On the hard shoulder. A visit to the local Tyremaster is overdue. Get the puncture fixed. No, get a new tyre.

Next week the team huddle is serious. We must do better.

Next week: Home to Coleshill 12:30 start

Sunday: Denham v Harrow Wayfarers

August 13th 2006

James Nicholas's and Bussell Rowry's Reports

Two reports this week, first the broadsheet one: correct figures, authoritative, compact:

Denham batted first and were looking like posting a score of around 240 from their 40 overs. Jamil Shaikh had scored 74 and Bobby Rai had scored 69. However it must be mentioned that Bobby truthfully scored 69/9, as this is the amount of times it is believed he was dropped!

After 38 overs of Denham's innings the heavens opened and no more play was possible so the match was abandoned as a draw.

And now the tabloid version: full of speculation, anatomical details and general gossip about Richie Brathwaite:

Sunday's game versus Harrow Wayfarers was rained off at the half-way point, but no-one really cared.

Denham batted first, scoring about 220 runs. Bobby Rai scored an hilarious 64 where he was dropped a world record 10 times, and on reaching fifty, there was practically no applause. Jamail scored more runs and was rewarded with a polite ripple. Regrettably, world no 1 and Denham's leading runscorer, Bitchie Raithwaite, was unable to entertain with his superb leaves.

Nick Hales was looking good at the crease, and Sir Stuart Payne was trying his best to teach him a solid technique at the other end, when it started to piss it down heavily and the players had to come off with two overs of the innings remaining.

Tea was taken early, where the players ate some pasta salad and densely filled sandwiches. Whilst there are no complaints about the quality of the food this week, the same cannot be said about the service. Perhaps the younger tea-lady might try to smile a bit more. Don't you realise?, life is utterly pointless and miserably boring.